He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
