sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
