(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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