Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
