We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
