Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
