I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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