saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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