I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
