obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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