Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
