We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
