Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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