So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize