tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
