I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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