You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
