I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
