I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
