I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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