I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
