The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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