I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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