I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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