did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
