its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
