Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
