my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
