I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
