I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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