Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
