I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
