she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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