im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
