I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
