i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize