i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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