Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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