Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
