If i come over, it means nothing
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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