it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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