walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize