how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
