If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hippo gnu deer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
