We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
