remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
