atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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