A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
