I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't put those talents on a resume
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
