tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
