Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Come on in and take your pants off
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