In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
