that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
