dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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