weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
