I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
