I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
