Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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