i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
