I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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