I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
