Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
