i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
