I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
