What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize