Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
