i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
