The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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