Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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