there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
