Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
