No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
