I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
