spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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