Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
