I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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