I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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