This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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