Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
