be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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