Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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