He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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