I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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