Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
