ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize