forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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