Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
