i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize