seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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