once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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