Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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