Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
