I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
