i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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