Life is so much better after having sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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