Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
