so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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