my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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