If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
