So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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