mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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