You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
