I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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