Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
