i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
