some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
