Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
