there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
two words...techno handjob
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
