First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize