You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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