i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
a search helicopter?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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