Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
