I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
