I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
