everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
