don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
