i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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