whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
